By Francis Ewherido
“In your anger do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). This was Apostle Paul’s admonition in his letter to the people of Ephesus, but it applies to us the way it applied to the original target audience. Paul simply acknowledged that anger is a natural human emotion, but admonished that you should not allow your anger get the better of you and lead you to sin. I am sure Peter Nwachukwu, the husband of the late celebrated gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, would have come across this verse in the bible, but apparently did not heed Apostle Paul’s advice. At least that is the belief of the court.
Osinachi died on April 8, 2022. All kinds of stories flew around about the cause of her death. Law enforcement agents sprang into action. At the end of their investigation the husband was arraigned on a 23-count charge. He was fined or sentenced to imprisonment on 11 charges, but his albatross was culpable homicide which carries a death penalty in Nigeria. Last Monday, Justice Nwosu-Iheme of a FCT High Court, Wuse Zone 2, Abuja ruled that the prosecution had successfully discharged the burden of proof required by law and sentenced Peter Nwachukwu, to death by hanging for the death of his wife. He will face the hangman unless a higher court upturns this judgement or he gets state pardon. Both are outside our control, so let us focus on a few issues based on the guilty verdict and lessons we can learn.
Osinachi’s former personal assistant and her hair stylist told the court that he verbally and physically abused his late wife. The personal assistant said the husband once slapped Osinachi in his presence. The hair stylist also said the husband told Osinachi to bring his car keys. She gave it to the son to give to his father. He got angry that Osinachi didn’t bring it herself, came to where she was making her the hair and slapped her. She continued, “I witnessed another abuse in 2018. He came to my shop and slapped the deceased for not seeking his permission before coming to the salon.”
Only an insecure and sadistic spouse does these. Spousal abuse is a no-no in marriage. Nobody should tolerate it. My strong belief in the indissolubility of marriage notwithstanding, it is better for a marriage to end than for you to die. Only the living can remain married. Osinachi is dead. The day she died, her marriage died with her, so what is the point in staying in an abusive marriage that can lead to your death? Physical abuse in marriage is more easily noticed than verbal abuse. I will tell you my story. I had issues with the lady I wanted to get married in my bachelor days. In the course of trying to resolve our differences, she told me that I always pride myself that I have never laid my hands on a woman in my life, but the kind of acidic words that come out of my mouth, a woman would prefer physical abuse to such words. I never uttered words like “fool,” “idiot,” “stupid,” etc., but for her the “hard” words were just as bad as my “soft” words. I never knew.
The relationship eventually broke down but I learnt a valuable lesson. When I met my wife, had to watch my tongue. Disagreements are inevitable in a marriage but avoid verbal abuse, subtle or obvious. You will be provoked in marriage; you will sometimes get angry, but react sensibly. When I am angry, I seal my lips until I can talk like a rationale person (Unfortunately, I still react spontaneously once in a while).
Talking about physical abuse, the question I always ask myself is, “does this man really love his wife? There is no part in a woman’s body that is worth inflicting injuries on. You do not go about harming a wife who you love. I see women with black eyes, swollen lips and lacerations all over their bodies from domestic abuse. Women, on the other hand, have been reported to have cut off their husbands’ penises, used pestle to hit their husbands’ heads, stabbed their husbands with knives and scissors. Some spouses give their other halves acid baths. Shocking.
The other allegation of the personal assistant was that the husband shielded Osinachi from her family. He said the husband once prevented the twin sister from joining Osinachi on stage during a singing ministration. He also said that the husband gave instruction that nobody should see Osinachi when they went to Enugu or Owerri. His thinking is that the instruction was given to prevent her family based there from seeing her. Honestly, it doesn’t make sense. All sensible men I know make provisions for their wives to interact with their relatives. These are the people who raised or/and shared their lives with her before you met her. If your wife has issues with the parents/siblings, follow your wife’s lead. Don’t tear them apart. I always drive it into my children’s heads that anybody who wants to shield them from their family during courtship must be avoided I will never give my blessing to that union. I will also make it clear, among other issues I will raise before marriage, so that we are on one page. Any spouse who prevents his/her spouse from seeing their family is evil, except in unusual cases.
Though a marriage is between the man and the woman, we must realise that in Africa, you marry into the family. Africa culture is not about the immediate family only. Even in the Western world, the extended family comes together once in a while for certain celebrations. One advice my eldest brother gave to us before marriage that I treasure till now is that we must respect each other’s family. It is very important. The PA said they once missed their flight to Zimbabwe because Nwachukwu and Osinachi’s mother were quarrelling and this delayed them.
One of the charges against Nwachukwu was cruelty to the children. Normally, people say the mother manipulated the children against their father. Osinachi died before the trial, so who manipulated the children against their father? People close to the couple also made the same allegation against Nwachukwu. From what I know, children whose fathers are in their lives scarcely turn against them. Being in their lives goes beyond feeding, housing and sending them to school. These are good, but sometimes what matters to them most to children are little things like dropping them off in school as often as you can, even when you have drivers; making a special dish for them (for fathers with good cooking skills), attending their school activities, etc. Fathers, do not see these as mother’s stuff. In your old age, even if you have tons of cash, you need someone to apply them. Be in your children’s lives.
Since the death sentence was passed on Nwachukwu, there have been varied opinions. For me, people should be more concerned about how to manage their anger and how to rejoice with more successful spouses, siblings or friends, not envy or evil intentions.
