By Francis Ewherido
I got a call from my office last week that the power distribution company that provides us electricity had cut off our power supply. It didn’t make sense to me because we have been using prepaid meter since 2019. I asked to speak with the official, but he refused. Later they reconnected us and left a notice of disconnection. They told us to report at their office last Monday. There has been a dispute about a “nebulous” outstanding bill of N202,150.11. I say nebulous because they never told us when this bill was accumulated. We cleared all outstanding bills before the prepaid meter was installed and one more bill after the installation. We had previously explained to them when the issue came, but it remained unresolved. It was their problem because of poor record keeping. But we kept our records, so I wasn’t bothered.
Anyway, why did they disconnect our office? The first official we met on Monday he said my colleague was recording him and he got angry. His mission was only to drop the disconnection notice, but he lost it when my colleague started recording him. I also would not want to be recorded without my consent and I told him. But inwards, I said to myself that “you didn’t have the power to disconnect, but you did because you were extremely angry?” That is the connection between power and short fuse we are talking about today. Matters you should easily walk away from become issues because you have power to do and undo.
As I thought about it, it occurred to me that it was a trend I have observed from childhood. We had a neighbour who was very poor in the early 70s in Ughelli, Delta State. Their youngest brother, Vincent, was living with her. I don’t know what the underlying issue was, but her younger sister, who was married to a rich man, would come around, beat her and their younger brother up. Sometimes, she would repossess the clothes she had given to both of them. She would tell them the most hurting words the Urhobos call “etarosonor” (to put it lightly, denigrating words) before leaving both siblings in tears and despair. Their only crime, as the older people said, was that they were poor and helpless. Power and short fuse.
We also had an amateur boxer, one of those overaged students in Ekwerigbe Primary School, Ozoro, Delta State, where I completed my primary education. His grades were very poor. I can’t remember the problem he had with the class monitor, but he always tormented him. I heard boxers are advised to exercise restraint when dealing with bloody civilians like the class monitor, but he never did, maybe, power and short fuse. The class monitor was at the receiving end of the pugilist’s superior strength. On one occasion, he redesigned his face. I don’t know what he told his parents that made them not come to the school to lodge a formal complaint.
Away from the past, some husbands who have lost their capacity to provide for their families are in hell in their houses (you can’t call theirs homes anymore. A home is where you have peace of mind). For those who are incapacitated temporarily or permanently I can understand. If it is temporary, I wish you quick recovery so that you can reclaim your role as chief provider. Whether by divine or by tradition, that is what it is. A wife is a helpmate. For permanent disability, may God grant you the grace to take every shit thrown at you if your family (wife and children, especially) are not benevolent.
“Etarosonor” has become a constant companion. Times are hard. The economy is harsh, but I beg all men to do all within their power to provide for their families. Hell hath no fury like a mother whose children are hungry, whose children are at home while school is in session due to inability to pay the children’s school feels. The ones whose mouths are like faulty taps can vomit all the etarosonor in this world. The unscrupulous ones can do anything to raise money and the husbands are expected to shut up or acquiesce. Why won’t some men not die young or suddenly? Power and short fuse
When unrestrained wives are breadwinners, the husband can easily be demoted to a “houseboy.” I have seen this happen over time. Mind you, I believe husbands who are unemployed should make contributions to the home front in kind. The children are also yours. Get them ready for school. Do school runs. Help them with their school assignments. Some husbands who provide for their families also perform these roles. Last week, I advised men to go beyond paying bills to be in their children’s lives. Attend their school activities. In the 90s, I followed my MD to his children’s school function in Ikoyi. I saw at least three bank MDs, other captains of industry and some other great personalities I had only seen on television prior to that day also came for the event for their children. And then you unemployed husband feels school matters are for women only? Make you dey fool yourself.
Honour the wife who magnanimously provides for the family without a fuss when you are financially low. There is nothing wrong if you prepare dinner for the family. That’s for men who know how to cook. When my children were younger, there were times they specifically requested me to prepare a particular delicacy for them and I gladly did. I even prepared dinner for my wife when I got home earlier than her. I did it out of love and it never diminished who I am. My problem is with women who use their husbands to do yeye (disrespect their husbands). I maintain that if you can’t respect your husband, leave him alone. Some of these deaths of men in their 40s to 60s you are hearing were caused by “see-finish” and etarosonor from their wives and children. There are recent cases. These sons teaming with your mothers to rubbish your fathers, I just dey look una. “When I go reach there nor far as you see am o!” Make una dey play.
My maximum respect to these three women and all women who fall within these groups. You earn big and consistently. Your husband also earns big but erratically. Every month, you pay your salary into the joint account and insist that your husband should take a lead in discussing the expenditure for the month. Your husband cherishes you and you know it. Second, madam, you are helping to keep the business of your sick husband alive and also doing your little business to bring in extra income. You also continue to play the role of nurse and caregiver. God bless you. Finally, your husband, who loves dressing nice, has been out of job, but you refused to make him look broke. He still looks cute in the midst of his friends while you continue to maintain the home front. God bless you for making him maintain his dignity. He could easily have been dead by now.
Just in case you are still interested in my story with my electricity distribution company, we left their office near my office for their zonal office, the same rundown building they inherited from NEPA, but the inside was neat and air conditioned. We met friendly staff contrary to the hitherto NEPA staff with sadism written on their faces. We gave them the meter number. When they entered it into their system, they realized that after we cleared the outstanding bill and got a new meter installed, they continued sending monthly bills based on the old meter which they retrieved. We are waiting for their response. But you know this story is not about me only. It is the story of millions of Nigerians in many variants. That is why I am writing about it.
