By Benjamin Inana
Courtship by my simple definition is a stipulated time that prepares two people who are willing to be married ( after being convinced during dating that they are fit to proceed to tying the knot) to align themselves solely for close observation. This observation should be based on personality and disposition and not on frivolities.
Naturally, the longer the courtship, the higher the chances of making the right choice (I am not saying that longer courtships doesn’t lead to mistakes at all, but its mistakes can’t be compared to a shorter one).
Humans possess the inborn trait of PRETENCE, however, no matter the level of pretence amongst them, there are some unconscious characteristics that cannot be suppressed
A shorter courtship disguises most of these behaviours hence cannot be noticed before the choice of a full acceptance of one as a life partner is made, consequently leading to medicine after death situation. With this one has no option but embrace the outcome of the choice made.
Frequent and lengthy visitations are some prerequisites to making a right choice in the sense that such behaviours or characters cannot easily be masked during these times.
A brief period of togetherness and irregularities in visitation mostly do not reveal some of these unconscious displays that pretence cannot curtail before an acceptance or rejection is made.
Displays of violence, uncontrollable temperaments, inconclusive arguments,uncompromising ego, pride, inexplicable domineering spirit, unforgiving spirit, distrust, etc may not surface on time during a short period of togetherness because actions that can activate those displays may not be carried out by the other party then but will be full blown during marriage
From my point of view, an ideal courtship should not be less than a year and not more than two years
FEW HINTS ON COURTSHIP
- Sometimes visit without an invitation (checks against infidelity)
- More focus on personality rather than sex (although sexual compatibility is necessary but not the ultimate in marriage)
- Necessary demands to ascertain his/her giving spirit
- Occasional intentional provocations to test if he/she is the violent type.
- Occasional intentional offence to ascertain his/her forgiving spirit
- Close observation of how arguments are handled and resolved
- Seldom deprivation of needs to see how he/she can handle tough and hard times
- Make calls to the opposite sex (friends/relatives) to know his/her level of trust
If some of the aforementioned portrays negativity, marriage could be miserable and unbearable.
Do the right thing in courtship. Be observant, be attentive, be focused, be committed, in order to make the right decision and the right choice at the right time.
Inana is a weekly relationship coach and columnist for NIGER DELTA TODAY Online. He can be reached on Email: email@example.com and Tel: 07033660336.