By Ena Ofugara
Stella Damasus will marry a very respected, wealthy and widely desired man again, and many will wonder if it is juju and they will curse their own luck that they have not found their first husbands and she is being wifed a fourth time. I am willing to make a thousand dollar friendly bet on this. That is how sure I am about Miss Stella. We will return to this remarrying issue later in this article
When a woman has featured in over 70 movies, gone toe/to-toe with the very best actresses of that golden generation of Genevieve, Omotola, Rita Dominic etc and picked up many nominations and awards, while raising a family and being a singer on a successful music band, and all people talk about her is not this pioneering legacy but her marriages and entanglements, you know that life indeed can be unkind. This is akin to Marilyn Monroe who is not remembered for her many starring roles and her rise to super-eternal stardom, but for what president or his brother she was sleeping with.
Many would say Stella brought it all on herself. Many have zero kind words to say of Stella. It is from the many sad tales that flood my timeline about her that made me ask myself “So Facebook and Instagram no dey push good stories about this geh? Na only the bad she do naim go trend?” And then I realized that maybe those who have good things to say about her usually do not speak up enough, and thus, only the bad analyses populate the ether.
I am one of those who have a very positive experience with Stella and I will narrate it. I will ask that you verify everything I say about this experience with Alec Godwyn, Kefee’s former husband, or Segun Obe, her then in-law.
Alec Music was on the rise and yours truly was Alec and Kefee’s right hand. We had signed acts like Rymzo, Segun Obe and later, Stella’s former husband’s elder sister, the very very friendly, nice, funnyyyyyy and lovely Wunmi Obe and her husband Tunde Obe, Segun’s brother. The duo was called TWO.
When Segun Obe wrote the love song MARRY ME, and I. being a fan of Stella and knowing that he could reach Stella, we suggested Stella play his love interest in the Video. Stella came onset before we were prepared. She had a smile for everybody. She drove herself. She drove down with (I shamefully forget his name. He was her back up singer. dark handsome chubby Urhobo dude that could affect an English accent and who played the spoilt Urhobo kid on Kefee’s Granpa Skit where the kids were forced to eat starch. I played the granpa.) She was wearing blue jeans and a pink top and a ready smile for everyone
Why would she not smile? She was married to an Aboderin. Ask about Aboderin. Read about the Patriarch. He owned Punch Newspapers. He owned landed properties in prime areas of Lagos. His kids could, like the Paris Hiltons, pursue their passion as Chief has done all the needed work. And their passion was moneyed. Both Wunmi’s band and Jaiye’s band were getting all the big gigs in Lagos, If you were in Uniben in the 90s, Jaiye’s band with Stella came to the show held in Hall 2 Car Park. Her career was blazing hot. If Genevieve or Omotola or Rita Dominic are busy, Stella was amongst the next in line. She was A Rated. Easily top 5.
So why would she not have that Asaba fine geh smile? That Anioma smile. And I do not say “Anioma” smile lightly. Miriam Babangida is from Asaba too and Anioma. So you know the gene pool there is not moimoi.
But should she really smile? She could have come there saying to herself. I am a graduate, unlike the other Nollywood stars. I read Theater Arts, so I am the only professional in this field. I married well. and I fine die.
Instead, when the Make-Up artist she brought charged us 25k, and we did not budget for him (we no get the money) Stella told him to go, got her make up kit and made herself and Segun up as they aged in that video.
When we were moving from one set to the other and the bus was getting full, I heard Stella say my name and said “come enter motor make we dey go”. I looked around me if another person was Ena that she was calling.
And I was in the passenger seat and Stela led the comversation like she knew me before.
And when we got to Kefee’s uncle’s house where we shot a scene, I joked about the table cloth having the same stripes as her pink top and Stella laughed and said “You mean say na Table Cloth I wear?” There was no annoyance. She took herself lightly enough to enjoy a joke
And we spent the whole day and she cancelled other appointments so she could kickstart the career of her in-law Segun Obe. The video is on Youtube
And when Jaiye, her busband died, Alec, Kefee and I went to see Stella. Mike Ezuoronye was there. That was when I knew the difference between Stella’s perfect cry on TV and her real cry. The cartarrh that was leaving her nose ehhhh, the cartarrh no be here
And while the press tried to play victim and villain between Stella and her husband’s family, The Aboderins acted like frue elites with the concomitant savoir-faire, as did Stella. There were no direct quotes from either side.
We must remember that an Igbo girl from Asaba, who is an actress, with all the stories of actresses, married into the elite Yoruba family. Imagine the love Jaiye must have had for her and the opposition to the marriage he would have weathered to be able to marry Stella.
Imagine the love Stella received! And for that man to die from a cardiac event while playing basketball.
And when I heard Stella married an Nzeribe, I said to myself “ is this man marrying a trophy (Stellla is a trophy) or is he marrying a woman that probably is still in love with her late husband and who will be very devoted to her two daughter ? Stepfather work na beans? Does this man love this woman enough to play second fiddle? Who can compete with a memory? You don’t know that Jaiye’s fart will smell so sweet now in the revisionist memory of his widow?
My question was answered 7 months after. Stella had her first divorce. People are now counting two husbands for her, as if she left the first one.
And then the rumours of her romance with Daniel began. I knew Daniel Ademinokan. His younger brother SLIM P used to hang with me and we discussed his shooting a video for my them artist, Fragrance. I visited him and saw his then light-skinned wife with their new baby. Daniel and his wife looked like the perfect young couple that were climbing and navigating a treacherous entertainment industry and its perfidy and perdition.
Perfidy and perdition is how Stella was to be regarded and regarded by many to this day, for “snatching husband”. Now, nothing in this post means I condone Stella’s action or that of Daniel. My sympathies are totally with Daniel’s then wife, Doris Simeon. She is the victim. If she reads this, she should know that I could only guesstimate the pain and humiliation and anger at losing a husband to a fellow actress, especially with a young baby.
And yet….
Yet, I understand. I said Stella would marry again right? I will tell you why now. Stella is that effeminate woman that brings out the primordial male protective instinct. Let us compare her to a Genevieve. Genevieve comes across as a competent strong woman whose beauty and success will challenge a man’s ego. Men fear that. They fear their equal. Mercy Johnson gives the vibe of “na she go protect me sef. She go holler for Landlord for me if I never pay rent. I go stand forr her back and she go wedge any egbe, any yahwa.” Men marry that. Ini Edo gives the vibe of “I am a baby girl. Spend your money on me or I waka” Stella’s vibe is soft and says “protect me. Love me. Don’t let this mosquito bite me”. Men fall for that. They fight their families over that. And jaiye and Daniel fought the world to marry that.
And yes, two good people, like Stella and Daniel can divorce. The start of their love was loneliness on Stella’s part and the primitive need of a woman to find a father for her children, and on Daniel’s part, the giddiness of finding a beautiful woman who NEEDS him and makes him feel like a MAN, forgeting he is bound to another
And when they eloped to America, thinking they were moving from everyone, the internet kept them in Nigeria. They must have read, daily, the vitriol and opprobrium from our judgmental populace. “husband snatcher”. “Stupid man”. Marriage is hard enough without that added pressure of being the villains in their own story. And then, as Stella begins to miss her stardom, and Daniel realizing he is away from his calling of being a great great director, subconsciously they would have blamed each other. Added to the specter of Stella unknowingly comparing Daniel to late Jaiye, romanticizing the memory of him and her comparing that to the reality and grind of Daniel, Daniel was bound to not meet up. Who competes with a ghost? All of these must have hung over the marriage like the proverbial Sword of Damocles.
So, when I read Stella talk about the sepratiom from Daniel, I wanted to talk to her amd tell her to desist from talking about the marriage. She can never whitewash her image. She has been found guilty by the people’s jury. And them now seeing Daniel speak of the marriage, my heart breaks because us online in-laws just want a story to make our own lives and our travails seem commonplace as other people suffer too. Misery seeks company. Demonizing others, from 2Face to Yul, makes us feel better about our own lives. nothing Daniel will say will make us find him less guilty. Every word about the marriage and its failing is sweet Karma to us. Women live vicariously through the life of his ex wife, Doris Simeon, and enjoy the fact that he and Stella broke up. That will be the fate of anyone that snatches their husband in Jesus name. Amen!!! They pray.
Pray is all Stella and Daniel can do now. Stella never went to a psychologist to help her deal with the loss of Jaiye. She never ( I am willing to bet) had her situation psychoanalyzed by a professional that would have let her know that she was yet to heal and Daniel, handsome and brilliantnt as he is cannot be Jaiye. And that until she heals, she would struggle in any emotional dalliance, especially marriage. Pastors and elders are trained to give PAT ANSWERS, “you are alright, in Jesus name. IT IS WELL”
It is not well. A woman has lost the love of her life and father to her children. She has lost her crutch. She had found a way to be a success in everything, from music to acting to a rich cuddly teddy bear of a man, and all that is gone with one cardiac event. No. IT IS NOT WELL. She is hurting. Her world ended, at least to her. A psychologist and even a psychiatrist ought have worked with her and on her mental health and healing.
Instead, risqué sex with this handsome director… stolen kisses and warm hugs was her Lorazepam and Prozac. The adrenaline/cortisol of sweet sex was her escape from depression. It is what dopamine does. It is momentary suspension of grief and depression.
So, as the world continues to judge Stella, “na she be first widow?” we must remember a certain man from Galilee, who wore sandals and said these timeless words, as another judged woman was to be stoned “He without sin, cast the first stone.”
Me and stones have no business. I am a sinner. If you look at my browsing history on my phone and computer, and you are Jesus. you will slap me. In fact, when I saw Stella, my first thoughts were “see as she fine. But her yansh small oh”. My next thoughts, remembering how big Jaiye was and how small Stella looked beside him, I said “So na this small waist dey withstand that giant”. Yes, as friendly as she was to me, these yeye thoughts were what was in my yeye mind and which had me laughing internally. NO, I am a sinner, in thoughts and deeds, so I cannot cast a stone at Stella, nor at Daniel. I can only pray for them, that if reconciliation is out the door, that they have the good sense and judgement to SHUT THE FUCK UP and not give Stella Dimorkorkus or Linda Ikeji something to write about. They will find anyway. But like Wunmi Obe and the Aboderins, stay classy and not be quoted.
Daniel, if you are reading this, GUY!!! Nothing do you. You were born to be a director. Find your mojo and be who God said you should be
As for Stella, fine geh. Star. Life has “lifed” you but here you still are. Still fine. Still sweet. Their fada!!! You are a success. Your pikin them fine. As mama, you succeed. As career woman, 70 movies and Best Actress win and many nominations is not beans. You be villain? Collect your tally number. Marilyn Monroe and many other stars na villain. Wetin you do or no do, na God go judge, and he is forgiving.
Many women like trade places with you. I know your name. Who know their name? Let them hate. THICK SKIN…rhinoceros.
No be 1978 them born you? Small geh. Life still plenty for front. Learn to trust again. Learn to love again. No change. Be the friendly VULNERABLE YOu. As you dey so, you still pass them. Man still dey your future. Like Burna Boy “You get everything pass all of them… Holy water splash all pf them…NO PANIC.
God bless you and make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you and give you peace as well as to all who you love.
When dust covers a gem, it is still a gem.
Grace and forgiveness over judgement.
Stella Damasus y’all.
Round of applause!
