By Benjamin Inana
I read a post somewhere on Facebook. As a matter of veracity, this piece is an offshoot of that one. The post suggests that, women should always be responding with, ‘Yes, sir’ or ‘Okay, sir’ during arguments. Well, different strokes for different folks. Inasmuch some people may love the idea, I don’t. Such a thing is too robotic for an intelligent and rationale lady to adhere to. Personally, I won’t even feel safe.
Even though he didn’t specify it, I am sure he was referring to marriage. Arguments spice up any REAL marriage. The absence of arguments would give birth to boredom.
Marriage is not a military setting, where the subordinates answer, ‘yes, sir’ to the commands of their superiors. Partners should be friends. They should see themselves as one and equal. In other areas of life, people can bring into play their achievements, qualifications, age differences etc, but certainly not in marriage (at least, not a sane and healthy one, where both parties would feel fulfilled and belong). Friends argue, so should couples.
In another news, I hate being addressed as, ‘sir’ by my woman. It removes the romance in the relationship (for me). Others may see it as a sign of respect, but for me, it is not. There are many ways of being respected, than addressing me as ‘sir’. The kind of marriage I have fantasized is the one, that would not remind me of how older I am becoming. I should have the feeling of a child in me. I should always feel young. I love being young. My Sunshine has in several occasions tried to address me as, ‘Sir’ whenever I call for her attention. Those times, I do remind her of the necessity to address me as, ‘Baby’. I love being addressed that way by her. Lolz!
Below is my comment to the said post.
“You are sentimental. Why did you use only, ‘sir’? ‘Yes, ma’am’ is also part of it.
In another news, I don’t think I can cope with a woman, who gives ‘yes, sir’, ‘okay, sir’ response to everything I say. I will lose my sanity. I love arguments. I love it when my woman argues with me. It is fun. I will be scared, if my woman is as robotic as the one you painted in your post.
The good news is, anytime I have a heated argument with my lady, we reconcile almost immediately, and end up being more emotionally bonded and better.
Anyway, birds of a feather flock together.
Authoritarian men would so much love your admonition, but certainly not liberal ones like me.”
I may not be a woman, but I sure believe that, women loved to be heard in an argument. The said post produced more than one thousand comments (and still counting). In all the comments from the women, I didn’t see anyone that agreed to the poster’s admonition. That is to tell you how much women hate such subjectivity.
What is the point? I can’t possibly decide for every man on how to manage their homes, but it would really be better, if they can create an enabling environment for the women in their lives in marriage. They should make them(women) feel belong and accepted. They shouldn’t be subjected to any form of subordination whatsoever, as if it is a military zone. Every sane woman knows her boundary. Every sane woman would always draw the line and live within the confinement of her territory. It is not by exercising superiority on her, that would make her to respect you.
When women are denied freedom of expression, they keep to themselves and live in isolation. The truth is, no sane and well thinking man would want to see his woman in such state. An intelligent man would want his woman to be intelligent as well. He would want his woman to have a say in every issue that pertains to their marriage. He would want her opinions. Arguments are not totally bad, if only the parties involved know when to start, pause and stop when having one.
For the record, oneness is the watchword for any enviable marriage.
Benjamin Inana is a weekly relationship coach and columnist for NIGER DELTA TODAY Online. He can be reached on Email: firstname.lastname@example.org and Tele: 07033660336.