By Benjamin Inana
Marrying a beautiful, sexy, desirable, classic and hardworking lady can be challenging (one will have visible and invisible rivals) but to insecure men, it is twice challenging for them.
As a man, if you cannot stand the content of a lady, don’t marry same because, the world does not revolve round you. Before she married you, she had a life; she had friends, families, connections, dreams, career she has passion for, goals and aspirations.
For some selfish and insecure reasons, some men have found it consoling to stop their wives from working. They would use the excuse of her job taking away her attention from him and the children (if any). They wouldn’t think twice to stop their wives from quitting their jobs, sit at home doing nothing except cooking, washing clothes, taking care of every single house chore, and of course, giving birth to children.
A fortnight ago, I asked a question in one group, if they (ladies) could quit their jobs, sit at home to save their marriages because the husband demanded so. The comments that I saw were shocking. Loads of them responded YES. That very moment, it dawned on me that, most men won’t stop treating women less than they truly deserve in marriage, because, they (ladies) have made it appear to the men that, marriage is like oxygen to them; they have made it appear that, without marriage and a man in their lives, they are nothing. That is why they would make insane compromises (the ones that their selfish husbands wouldn’t think of making half of them) just to stay married and save their marriages.
To start with, most times, the man may have met the lady in same job he would ask her to quit from, just to be a loyal and a full-time housewife.
They had no problem with her and her job when they were wooing her. Is that not insensitivity?
First off, a man should be glad to have a wife who is not lazy; a wife who wants to make herself useful by assisting him financially (except for few women who do not spend their penny on the family even when they are working).
Gone are the days when most women used to leave all the financial burdens for their husbands alone. These days, most ladies are sharing the financial responsibilities of their homes with their husbands (sometimes, they even contribute more). And assuming the job is time consuming, there is always a better way of managing the job and her marriage, so long she is contributing to the financial responsibilities of the family. The only reason that would make a man want to stop her wife from working is INSECURITY. Do you know of any other? State it/them if you know.
If a man cannot quit his job to save the marriage, why should a woman do that? A woman is first a human before being a wife. Her feelings should be considered before asking her to do certain things in marriage. Most women work because working gives them joy. Pursuing the career they have passion for gladdens their hearts. Asking her to quit her job simply means ‘stealing’ away her joy and gladness. Staying at home would kill her. Boredom would send her to her early grave.
Providing all the marriage financial responsibilities? That is not good enough. What about her personal financial needs? Some of them have siblings and parents to take care of. Some of them have personal projects to embark on. They give alms when opportune. They get involved into some other financial endeavours. Will you GLADLY give her money to solve those financial needs, whenever and however she wants them? Won’t you complain that she is asking too much?
Again, that you are financially sound today is not a guarantee that you would be forever. What if you experience bankruptcy in the process? What if something happens to your source of income? What if death visits you when you least expected? What will become of your marriage? What will become of her and her kids when you have passed on(some of you don’t carry your wives along in your financial dealings neither are they signatories to any of your bank accounts)?
As you take decisions, look beyond now and be futuristic.
Ladies, unless he has a better alternative source of income for you; the kind that can make you financially independent to spend on whatever you desire (providing for the family singlehandedly is not enough) say reliable business (that is, if you want to be considerate enough), the last thing you would want to do is quit your job, stay at home to save your marriage at your detriment. Trust me, the end won’t be something to be proud of.
Marriage is NOT everything.
Caging your wife will not stop her from cheating, if she wants to do that. It can happen in your matrimonial home when you are not around, if she is the kind that does not have self discipline.
Learn how to trust your wife. Learn how to make her live her life to the fullest. Don’t make her regret ever marrying you.
Benjamin Inana is a weekly relationship coach and columnist for NIGER DELTA TODAY Online. He can be reached on Email: email@example.com and Tele: 07033660336.